The Sheep are Coming
by bloodbull
Summary: Cerebro picks up on a new mutant in New Zealand; except shes not a mutant, well, not in that sense. Its not her fault she got bit by that mutated sheep, alright. And the craving for flesh isn't her fault either. Seriously, human anonymous meetings are expensive; especially when you eat the other members. Not to mention her monthly cycle. Pure humor.


**Summary: Cerebro picks up on a new mutant in New Zealand; except shes not a mutant, well, not in that sense. Its not her fault she got bit by that mutated sheep alright. And the craving for flesh, also a side effect, isn't her fault either. Seriously, human anonymous meetings are expensive; especially when you eat the other members. Not to mention her monthly cycle. Pure humor with a touch of Jean bashing.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own nothing except stupid sheep ideas! (I don't even completely own those.)**

**Co-written with FreddieGeorge.**

We enter this story at a sleepy-looking farm in New Zealand. "Are you sure she's here professor?" Jean Gray asks. "Yes I'm sure Jean!" _"I swear I'm about to smack her!" _ The professor thought. Jean had been complaining the whole time because she's a city girl and they were currently on a sheep farm. _"Are you sure she's necessary professor?"_ Kurt muttered. "Hey I heard that!" Jean said. "I vas not trying to keep it a secret." "Kurt I will…" "Hush you two we're almost there."

Just as the trio had reached the porch Kurt leaned down and whispered quietly into his ear, "seriously professor vhy is she here?"

"Because," the professor responded in an equally low tone "if this mutant gets out of hand I need someone to keep her under control via telekinesis."

"Vhy can't you do it?"

"And let her taint my mind? Not likely, let Jean take the fall."

"Ah I see… not really, but, vhatever ve don't need her anyway."

Unbeknownst to them Jean had heard every word and was quite frustrated but nobody cared, so, on with the story.

In one swift motion, Jean rang the doorbell with so much drama that no one other than her can achieve, but no one cares. Shortly after ugly blue jeans … I mean Jean Grey, rang the door bell, the trio were greeted by a ridiculously tall man wearing a pin stripe suit; with his intensive height and his lack of f facial features he was quite intimidating … wait wrong story; the man who actually greeted them at the door was actually very bleak and boring so his description is not needed.

"What do you want?"

"Hello, my name is Charles Xavier and with me are Blue Jean," Jean was once again ignored in her protests because nobody cared, "and Kurt Wagner."

"Guten tag," Kurt was, as always, listened to, because his sheer sexiness was overwhelming… anyway back to the story with mutated were-sheep, oh wait, you didn't know that yet disregard that statement.

"We're here to talk to you about a wondrous opportunity for your daughter..."

"Sorry, my daughter isn't available for experimental medicines; we've come to accept her situation and still love her despite her… particular habits." "Anyway, the stuff with Oldman is already over and we're coping with it."

"I'm afraid you don't quite understand, sir, we are not here to perform tests on your daughter; we are here to help her better deal with her situation and learn to control her abilities."

"So, you are not here from some government facility?"

"No."

"And you're not here to perform unimaginably painful experiments on my daughter?"

"No."

"Alright, come in."

After the two uncaring x-men and the very pissed of x- (wo)man entered the house and took a seat, a very odd looking girl walked into the room. How odd you might ask? Well I'll tell you; she was a figure of about medium height with curly white hair and red eyes that glowed like the embers of a fire, however, the feature that truly exhibited her oddness were the massive ram-like horns that protruded from the top of her head.

"What do you want?" she asked annoyed. She was watching her favorite movie Pirates of the Caribbean, or maybe it was Pirates of the Pacific. She didn't know; she had trouble counting her words because they moved all the time. So, she commonly referred to it as the movie with the hot pirate guy with the pigeon tattoo.

"Ah, I see the apple has not fallen far from the tree" the professor remarked. "Oh I'm sorry that was not meant to be out loud," he cleared his throat quietly "anyways, we are here to present a wondrous opportunity for you to attend Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters."

"Do I look like I have a mental disease!?" she said annoyed.

"It's not that kind of gifted! Although now that you mention it… never mind," the professor was trying his hardest to remain calm.

"Baaaaaa!" The girl however had given up on trying to remain calm and clearly let her agitation show, "Ok back to the original question, what do you want?"

The professor let out a low sigh before replying; "we want you to attend our school; the main focus of which is to help mutants better themselves and learn how to control their powers more efficiently."

"I'm not a mutant!"

"Sure" the professor said, "well then what are you?"

"I happen to be the result of a genetic experiment gone wrong. Some idiot tried to genetically mutate sheep and one bit me! And everyone else got the antidote but me cause they ran out! You have no idea what I've been through. I just got off people I had to go to H.A meetings!"

"H.A?"

"Human Anonymous! Apparently a side effect is the craving for human flesh. Do you know how expensive those are? Especially, when you eat the other members!"

"Did you just rip off the summary?"

" Maybe …" The odd looking girl, who will now be known as Kimi because odd looking girl takes forever to type; put an innocent look on her face and began to whistle a gentle tune; well if you could consider Getting Away With Murder a gentle tune.

"That doesn't matter, "the professor said with a sigh, something he finds himself doing a lot of these days,"anyway any student no matter how gifted… whether it be genetic or mental, are welcome to my school."

"I still don't want to go."

That's when it came to the point where her father decided to intervene, "you're gonna go."

"No I'm not dad."

"Yes you are," now don't take this the wrong way, the very bleak man loved his daughter very much but you can only handle so much of the baing and wanting to eat people.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"Don't baa back to me!"

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Absolutely pushed beyond his last nerve, Kimi's father did the one thing that he knew would make her comply. Slowly, so painfully slowly he reached into his pocket and pulled out his greatest weapon … a pair of golden shears! With the summoning of the almighty weapon millions of sheep began to cry out in utter terror; their greatest weakness would fall upon them! This was their final hour!

"Noooooooooooo! "I'm trying to grow my hair out! Baaaaaaaa!" upon seeing the offending object she did the only sensible thing one could imagine, she morphed into a sheep and ran out into the pastor and immediately tried to hide amongst her furry allies.

Kurt looked around the room in a questioning motion, "vas that me or vas that totally unnecessary?"

The professor shrugged, that one red haired girl once again being ignored.

"Home, home on the pastor where the were-sheep try to blend in…"

"Not necessary, Bull."

"Shut up, Freddy!"

"Break of the fourth wall!"

Both authors looked down upon the one person… Jeanie in a bottle? Marco Polo? Uh… red haired annoying thing? By this point in time a reader was aggravated and yelled out "Jean Gray!"

"Oh yeah."… "Anyway."

Both authors looked down upon the earth and yelled "Shut up, Blue Jeans!"

A little while after that wonderfully, and completely unnecessary distraction from the main story, we find our heroes out in the fields.

"Ah, a shifter mutant than."

"Something like that," her father sighed as he began to follow her into the flock of sheep. He stopped when he reached a certain point and set his eyes upon one sheep in particular. The sheep returned his look and said "Baaaaaa, I am a sheep!"

"No you're not! Now come on, Kimi; we have to pack your bags so you can go."

"How could you tell?"

"My God! We've been over this before; when you morph not only are you about eight feet tall you are also bipedal, built like a body builder, and you have glowing red eyes."

"But I'm covered in wool and have massive horns," she replied matter of factly.

"That doesn't matter; you're a were-sheep, mutant sheep, whatever, you still don't look like any ordinary sheep, plus sheep don't talk."

"Yes, they do. They talk to me."

"That's because you're a sheep."

"So, I do look like a sheep?"

"No … but the sheep recognize you as a sheep, despite not necessarily looking like one, so they communicate with you."

"So do I look like a sheep or not?"

"That doesn't matter just morph back and pack your stuff so you can go."

"Baaa."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Unknown to the both of them, from the back of the flock, a young ram, was eyeing the teenager with a glimmer in his eyes.

After a long and gruelingly boring process of packing, that doesn't necessarily need to be documented, they were on their way; well, they would have been if the car wasn't out of gas, so they didn't get out of the drive way.

"Seriously, why did you guys not check the gas tank?"

Kurt looked at the girl and stated as if it was the most normal thing to say," normally ve vould have taken zhe jet but its currently going under some … renovations so ve had to take a commercial flight." He lowered his voice to a near whisper and said, "Ve're getting flames and pin stripes painted on it. It's going to be vicked."

"So," the Professor asked politely "does anyway know where the nearest gas station is, and how to get there?"

Kimi looked at the group of mutants, and responded with a sigh, "It's about two miles up the road; so, I guess we're going to have to push it."

"I'm in a wheelchair!" The Professor immediately responded in a desperate attempt to get out of work.

It never dawned on any of them that they had the world's most powerful telepath in their company and he could have easily moved the vehicle with his mind.

"I was talking about the flock."

Upon hearing their names mentioned every single sheep stopped grazing on grass and looked up at Kimi with wondering eyes, except the ram, whose eyes were wandering but not in that sense. She looked back at them. Before finally…

"Baaaaaa." _Translation: I need abut five of you to help me._

The ram was the first one to speak …err, baa up.

"Baaaaaa," _Translation: I'll do it."_

"Ba Baaaa." _Translation: Thank you, Brutus, now I need four more of you."_

The sheep all looked around trying to figure out their chances of not being able to do anything, because they were all lazy. Then the whole herd busted out into panicked baaing.

"_I don't wanna do it." "I'm pregnant." "But you're a male." "Shut up!" "Make me!"_

To the group of mutants and the very bleak man it sounded like nothing more that inconsistent baaing, but to Kimi, it was complete and utter chaos.

The sheep continued arguing back and forth until the point where Kimi had reached her last nerve.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" _Translation: either four of you volunteer or I'll make Brutus pick four of you._

Still not a single one of them volunteered.

"Ba Baaaa Baaaaaaaa." _Translation: Alright, Brutus, pick four of them and make sure they're strong._

Brutus looked up at the female and let out a small ba noise.

"Yes, Brutus I'm helping to."

Every ram in the flock volunteered.

And onward they went, pushing the car with the two lazy mutants inside, towards a new future. Well, for her anyway, the sheep went home after the reached the gas station. But, for some reason throughout the whole ride, by both plane and car, back to Bayville they couldn't help but hear a baing noise that sounded similar to Brutus.

* * *

Back on the sheep farm a single red haired thing stood alone in the rain.

"Guys, you forgot me," it said quietly, until finally her savior came in an old beat pick up truck. He pulled up slowly to the creature before he rolled down his window revealing the very bleak man. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

However before the creature could supply an answer he simply shook his head and with a murmured its probably not important anyway, drove away.

Good or Bad? Send reviews you guys I need feed back and this is mostly unbeta'd and probably a little crappy considering we were half asleep when we thought of this. 


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